As I lie here in the health center with 4 fractured ribs, I’m discovering that durable pain relievers cause remarkable levels of whimsical thinking. I feel a sense of kinship with Samuel Taylor Coleridge, who produced his legendary “Kubla Khan” poem following a dosage of opium.
Barrie Hartman, editor of the Daily Camera for over 18 years, utilized to compose a popular column of witticisms and brief observations called “Talk of the Town.” In a seasonal salute to him, here are some easy going forecasts for 2023.
• Elon Musk makes all the Tesla screens begin showing conservative tweets, infuriating Boulder chauffeurs, who start changing to electrical Ford F-150 “Lightning” pickups. Before long, Boulder goes beyond Texas in per capita ownership of F-150s.
• Deon Sanders purchases the previous Mediterranean Restaurant and opens a brand-new steakhouse: Coach Prime Rib.
• The Board of Directors of the brand-new Boulder Library District vote to offer the primary library structure and relocate to an area in theTwenty Ninth Street Mall The previous library structure ends up being the Dewey Decimal Affordable Housing and Museum of Tubing.
• Fulfilling a pledge, RTD brings the “lightest” rail to Boulder in the type of a comprehensive toy Lionel design train design to the Boulder Junction at Depot Square.
• To calm people dissatisfied about the increased Gross Reservoir Dam, Denver Water consents to construct Colorado’s longest water slide from the top of the dam to Highway 93. Residents of Coal Creek Canyon instantly release a NIMBY project.
• Apple reveals brand-new, affordable, non-prescription listening devices. Initial consumers grumble that the gadgets come filled with U2’s newest album.
• Boulder chooses to gather and sign up the DNA of every hiker and canine in the city so regarding nail inconsiderate souls who leave poop on routes and pathways. The ACLU reveals a fit opposing this relocation.
• Voting rights in Boulder are reached the moms and dads of CU trainees.
• Now that supermarket can offer white wine, fortunately is that Superior’s Costco opens a whole aisle committed to the grape. The problem is that consumers need to buy 6 cases at a time.
• The brand-new season of “Yellowstone” has the Dutton household offering out in Montana and relocating to Colorado, where they buyGilpin County John Dutton introduces project for Colorado guv.
• To draw in and keep leading football gamers, last tests are made optional for any CU group in the Top 25. Master’s degrees are granted to any group in the leading 10.
• CU reveals brand-new, not-so-hard curriculum for professional athletes:
— “Effective Campaigning in a Purple State,” taught by Heidi Ganahl.
— “Fiscal Responsibility in Higher Ed,” Taught by previous CU Treasurer Tony Vu.
— “Legal Ethics and Good Government,” taught by John Eastman, Esquire.
— “Effective Marketing Skills,” taught by CEO of My Pillow, Mike Lindell.
• To motivate more approval of inexpensive real estate, the Boulder City Council alters the meaning of ADU from “Accessory Dwelling Unit” to “Adult Democrat Unit”
• New software application allows city authorities to restrict Lime electrical scooters to 10 miles per hour and provides an uncomfortable electrical shock if riders are not using a helmet. The ACLU reveals a fit.
• CU develops a plant-covered dome over the CU South school so that citizens of South Boulder can stroll their canines with unblocked views of the Flatirons.
• To balance out the expenses of Boulder’s Open Space & &Mountain Parks, recently legislated psilocybin mushrooms will be grown in Mallory Cave and offered to regional hikers.
• The 2023 CD from KBCO’s Studio C will consist of the following tunes:
— “I Fought the Law and the Law Won,” by Mesa County Clerk Tina Peters.
— “So Long, It’s Been Good to Know You,” by CU Dean of Arts & & Sciences Glen Krutz and committed to Patty Limerick.
— “Hit the Road, Jack,” sung by the CU regents and committed to Mark Kennedy.
— “In the Jailhouse Now,” sung by Roger Stone and Rudy Giuliani.
• The 2023 Dead and Company performance at Folsom Field reveals opening act of Ye, aka Kanye West, who already will have altered his name to Yo Yo.
• The Daily Camera concerns amplifying glasses to customers who grumble about the fine print size.
• Prairie canines in open area are vacuumed up in the evening and moved toWyoming The ACLU files match.
But seriously, folks, thank you for reading and responding to my columns this year. I attempt to bring fresh insights to regional, state and nationwide concerns and unique individuals who comprise our Boulder neighborhood. To quote another person who likewise was hobbling around at Christmastime, “God bless us everybody!”
Jim Martin can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org